Monday, February 16, 2015

What's Your Argument Style?

My sister and I practicing our argumentative skills :)

Argument style. We all have one, but I wonder how often we have sat back and analyzed ours. 

I tend to have a very stubborn argument style. I just don't understand how people can have opinions that are different than mine?? I mean what's up with that!? I rarely am able to bring myself to give in if I feel that I am right. I know that's not healthy. I don't usually raise my voice, but sometimes I must admit that I do. 
That's not very optimistic existentialist-y, is it? 
When I was a little boy, I was very introverted and rarely ever stood up for myself. Sometime during my teenage years, I resolved to never be that way again, and I think that that has molded my argument style as an adult and made me more stubborn than I should be. I need to work on my stubbornness and my inability to sometimes give in.
I will say that, after the fact, after the emotions of the argument have settled, I can always look back introspectively and realize what I could have done better. I always try to learn from my mistakes. And I am a strong believer in apologizing when I am in the wrong. So even though I am a stubborn person, I will always apologize if, looking back, I know was wrong. 
It may sometimes take me an hour or two though. Or sometimes a day or two. :)
What is your argument style? Are you passive? Aggressive? Stubborn? Somewhere in between? Or something else altogether?

156 comments:

  1. Shouty
    Flouncing
    Have been known to fling a plate of pasta

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  2. It really depends on the subject..I can usually be found somewhere in the middle..My hubby is stubborn, which makes me give up quickly..Great question and post. Have a happy week, Keith!

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  3. Thank you for opening up so much in this post, honey! :)
    If I may guess I'd say we all have our sides when arguing that we'd rather hide than share ;)
    I've been told lots of times in the past that I do get loud when arguing which I do not agree with :) I must have a different sensation of loud when I'm mad ;)
    I will keep pressing my points if I feel like the person I'm arguing with is not listening to what I'm actually saying and I can only stop when I find a solution to the argument.
    I haven't flipped plates of pasta like John :D but I may slam a cabinet door...
    I believe that arguing is sth we can learn. We need to learn to voice how we feel instead of attacking the other person, how to stay calm and focused on the topping instead of complaining about everything that has happened in the past year and is not related to the topic.
    I think that my argument style got much better over the years and I'm still learning to improve it.
    I do agree with you though: I can always apologize if I have to realize in the end that I was wrong all along.
    I love you honey. I'm curious what our arguing will be like in a few years ;)

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  4. I really really hate arguing and become very emotional and usually end up crying - I am a pathetic wuss when it comes down to it. I do stand my ground though and only retreat when I have made my point felt.

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  5. Somewhere in between. I'm actually good at diffusing an argument. I know just what to say to take the wind out of the sails of someone who wants to argue.

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  6. I'm pretty passive though I can get very worked up about something. In the end I always regret the argument but sadly, I rarely apologize.

    Interesting post!

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  7. I'd have to say it depends on who I'm arguing with. I don't like to argue, so I'm all about intelligent conversations backed up by facts. With low voices. I will never argue with anyone who is loud or is simply ignorant. I don't feel it's my job to educate and some won't listen to reason, so I see no point. I go along my merry way with a knowing smile on my face and leave it at that.

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  8. Oh I love Beate's comment. I wonder what you will be arguing about too?:) B

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  9. You always provide such thoughtful questions that could result in essays. It doesn't really matter what one's style is as long as you realize it and you humbly use it. I tend to be pretty good in debate but don't always enjoy winning and when I do I am humble about it and when I am wrong do try to apologize and even when I win will pray that I am write. I follow Abe Lincoln's advice, "we can't both be right and we may both be wrong..."

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  10. I love this interesting topic today, everyone argus at some points.
    It depends on what the argument is about and in what mood I'm in and who I'm arguing with. I'm braver than I used to be but I really hate to argue. With me, it's peace at any cost but with a stubborn husband it's not always the case.

    In an argument I can't stand it when my husband becomes silent and act as if I'm not there. Nothing worst than being ignored. He's always right and I'm always wrong but by now I know better.

    We have different ways of looking at things and I can understand that I should not expect everyone to see things as I do but my husband has difficulty with this.

    A bit of humility can work wonder in saying I'm sorry we're arguing about this silly situation. Life is too short to waste it this way. Knowing how to say I'm sorry is key to disarm the situation.

    Hugs,
    JB

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  11. There would be a lot less arguments in my life if people would just realize I'M ALWAYS RIGHT. As I get older I find I really don't care anymore who wins the argument...I just let them have their way and later when they realize I WAS RIGHT I just smile and nod.

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  12. Depends on the person and what it is, if I know I'm wrong I'll start to argue stupidity and diffuse it in no time, still pretending I'm right lmao. If I know I'm right, yeah I won't quit.

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  13. ha. i tend to try to use logic to prove my point...if that does not work, it becomes emotional and passionate....smiles....its funny, and being newly married you will appreciate this....my wife and i have fight rules...a pastor friend of mine encouraged it...and anyone i did marriage prep with after, i had do it...it establishes the rules for arguments...no name calling, no bringing up past history, no personal attacks...etc.....

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  14. I tend to avoid arguments like the plague. My parents bickered constantly when I was growing up and it made me afraid of conflict. It took me a long time to be able to stand up for myself in an argument. I'd have to really think hard to analyze my style, though.

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  15. In my younger days, my arguments were never loud, heated and stubborn. Today, my arguments are few, thoughtful and still not loud.

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  16. I really try to avoid aguments, being non-confrontational Keith!

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    1. well except with my immediate family!

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  17. I've mellowed over the years, but I used to border more passive aggressive, but I'm usually the first to apologize and the shortest amount of time to hold a grudge.

    betty

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  18. I'm a pretty passive person so I tend to avoid arguments altogether and just let the other party win. Unless it's something I really care about and then I can be pretty stubborn. But I'm not a fan of stubborn people who refuse to see the other view, so I try to not be like them and am willing to listen to, and accept the opinions of others.

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  19. My style depends on what the argument is about. If it's something that is factual and I KNOW I'm right...im very stubborn. However, if it's an opinion based argument then I try to remain very open to others opinions.

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  20. I am not argumentative...............................

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  21. Keith, arguing is a part of life and it can be difficult, I think most of us want to be heard and acknowledged for that... some people need to be right but I don't feel that is as important as the need to be heard. I think that is why people raise their voice, trying to be heard... It is good to apologize when we are wrong, that is a great quality to have... not all people have that ...

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  22. I'm passive mostly. I'm a middle child, and have always been in the middle of things. When people stand by one thing, and one thing only I'm on that side, but looking at the other side trying to understand it. It drives my husband nuts! I'm also the type that says, "Sure" or "I don't care" often. I really am on the fence when he asks me things when I answer like that. I'm not trying to be difficult. If I cared one way or another I'd let him know.

    The one person that pushes my buttons at times is my oldest sister. She brings out the, "I stand by this..." in me. She gets me ultra pissed at least once a year. I have a hard time letting it go with her. We either get along really well, or we're not talking. She's really bossy, and it's too much for me at times.

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  23. Hi Keith, I’m “afraid” I’m more passive. I use the word “afraid” carefully, because, yes, I do think, in my heart, I should be more aggressive. Well, I’m a person who wants to avoid conflict, if possible. Sometimes I’ve caught myself agreeing to something that I don’t really agree with. The thing is, if I get more aggressive, I’m “afraid” I’ll anger the other person and that ends up causing another kind of agony to deal with. My goal is to continue to work toward a balance that I’m comfortable with … and sometimes, that balance seems to be a moving target. :-) Thanks for the great question and your thought inspiring blog. John

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  24. I like peace in my life, so I try to avoid arguments. Conflicts cause me stress and I don't need that. However, if push comes to shove, I can stand my ground quite well. And although I can be very stubborn, I do back down or admit I was wrong if need be. I've got pride but not foolish pride.

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  25. I'm not passive, but not confrontational either. I mostly don't care about the small things anymore. It's not worth the effort. I don't care if your opinions differ from mine. Just don't call me ignorant because my opinions are different. That will raise my hackles and it happens way too often anymore. Not the raising of my hackles, but the "you're ignorant because you don't think the same as me" part.

    Hubby and I don't argue. We may not agree on everything but that's just fine. Argumentative people don't last long around me. That and bullies.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  26. If I am with a person who could be argumentative, I try to avoid subjects that can inspire that person to argue...as to me it is not worth it. If the person moves into argumentative territory, I try to 'bite my tongue' and change focus. Occasionally, if something really strikes me, I will hold my ground and make my point...and sometimes later on I regret that. Mostly I think in the majority of things it is better to agree to disagree.

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  27. I am somewhere between passive and aggressive.

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  28. On that note, I'll pass along the best advice I've gotten to date to end an argument with your significant other (since you're newly married and all). When you're arguing and want it to end but you absolutely will NOT admit to being wrong, simply say, "I'm sorry we're arguing." It really works. You don't admit defeat but the other person, for some odd reason, thinks he/she's won aaaannnnd you make up. Works like a charm. ;-)

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  29. It's always best to argue with an open mind. But I don't think anyone should abandon their opinion, if they genuinely believe they are right. But when that point of impasse is reached in the argument, people need to be able to say "let's just agree to disagree" and then still be friends afterwards.

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  30. aggressive and stubborn and I do sometimes yell. ha

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  31. I like that you are who you are and you are self aware to this degree, thank you. Be gentle with yourself.
    I don't really argue because arguing to me is like two battering rams hitting a stone wall from different directions. I listen and wait until the energy is more open and offer my opinion when asked for. Is this passive? Maybe but I feel it is less a waste of energy when the air is cleared. Also, I can offer my perspective when people seek it out as you have done here. Thank you Keith. Hugs!

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  32. I'm an introvert and have a similar argument style. I'm stubborn - but apparently some relatives of mine were like that too. I'm not happy where I currently live and wanted to move out of state last year. People told me entry level people can't move with a job lined up; it would be best to take a 2nd job here and then quit after a year or so, then move. Being stubborn, I took no part in hearing that. Sadly, they were right, and now I am still looking for a 2nd job here. Ugh.

    I may be stubborn, but as a philosophy minor, I try not to resort to attacks or straw mans. I do well most of the time to avoid that.

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  33. i avoid conflict. i'll often think about something a long time before i then go back and try to present my case.

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  34. Enjoyed your post, Keith. I don't like conflict *at all* and try to avoid it as much as possible. It isn't always possible, though, and I do get angry from time to time. I can be stubborn (I don't believe in astrology, but 'Taurus' anyone?), but like you, if I'm wrong I *always* apologize afterward.

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  35. I'd fall in your category, I think. Then again maybe not... can we argue this? XD
    I don't need to apologize after... or I don't care to... I'll explain.
    If the person means something for me, my emotional coward kicks in, and in a determined point I start making amends to my speech in order to end it nicely.
    Even if I could still go on fighting/arguing about it for, let's say a day, or two ;).
    And though I'm convinced I'd win my point, I somehow give up.
    If the other person and the argument makes me think (and at a determined point I ALWAYS ask myself this): "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" I'll choose happy in order to make the other happy.
    If the person doesn't mean that much to me - or if I loose what I had for her/him midways into the discussion (it happened recently because of 50 Shades... can you believe?! It was so silly) - I make my point made and finito, even if I (deep down) feel I had space to not make it sound so final. Can you understand what I'm saying?!
    I'm not passive or aggressive but I'm SO argumentative. I don't turn my back from a fight and rarely regret battling for my point... I just don't cross that line where we won't be able to be back. And, if the person means something (a lot!) to me, I won't ever let her/him cross that line and ruin all.
    And that's Grand from me, I'll let you know ;). Because no one loves an argument more. Now. As a child I wouldn't, not even to save my life. Teen years were a mess with the hormones sending me to the fight and the body not knowing what to do. I guess that's why I like it that much - I have lots stored up ahahahah.
    Now I'm really going to buy that chocolate bar ahahahah
    Take Care of yourself,
    Teresa

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  36. I've just asked my boyfriend what my style is and he said stubborn! Ha! :) Funny to think of you being shouty, I can't see it somehow.

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  37. Oh, I'm pretty stubborn but I'm working on it bit by bit!

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  38. Somewhere in between , lovely post :)

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  39. I really don't like verbal debates. They often have at least one side of the conversation pull out information that isn't even true, and you don't have time to really think or counter a claim.

    Unless I know a certain thing really well (like evolutionary biology or history) I usually tend to avoid it.

    But I hate people who try to win debates by yelling. That's what right-wing radio hosts do to liberal people who call in on their shows. Then they cut their call before they can respond back.

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  40. I do keep quiet ... for a very long time ... then I explode ...

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  41. My argument style is much more passive than aggressive, but - like most people - I very often think I'm right. My timidity is undoubtedly inspired by my father - - whose continually explosive aggressiveness was impossible to deal with. He was always right. I was always wrong. I couldn't win, so I stopped trying.

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  42. My husband things that my argument style is like Italians. I don't know how and why cause I am not Italian even in a fraction.

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  43. I try to avoid arguments! I tend to cut loose and blow fire. But it's over quickly. I don't hold grudges, and I can't maintain silence for long. Then I might get around to an apology. I have a sister who is stubborn ~ One of her nicknames is The Mule! The wonderful thing about families, is they still love you after you've been an ass (I mean my being an ass, not my sister!). Have a good one!

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  44. As I really hate conflict, I'm usually not bothered about changing someone elses mind, and just say "Lets agree to disagree"!

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  45. I avoid arguments and confrontations, mainly because I don't like negativity, not because I don't have an opinion! Just don't call me stupid. That word was never allowed in that manner in our house. Hubby and I don't really argue. We will each state our opinions, sometimes rather loudly, but then it is over. You two will develop your own style.

    Big hugs, honey...

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  46. My husband is never wrong; I nearly always am. So i tend to avoid arguments.

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    1. There's always gotta be a bad guy!

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  47. I've never really thought too much about my arguing style. I always try to be fairly diplomatic and see both sides if it's around my friends or a colleague but when it comes to family, all bets are off! I think you're more heated with your family, or at least I am, so voices tend to get raised and the blood boils, but there's always a big apology at the end of it! :) - Tasha

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  48. It's hard to avoid disagreements altogether...I would if I could, ha. But sometimes you have to stick to your guns (especially when you're dealing with children, especially teens, ha). I tend to try to find and get on some common ground with whomever I'm disagreeing with and work from there. And of course, pick my battles, as they say...some stuff ya just gotta let go.

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  49. I hate to argue so I'm gonna say that I typically just let it slide off after an intense boiling period. Unless it really matters in a long-term kind of way. After nearly thirteen years of marriage, I think I'm starting to learn how to communicate what needs to be communicated with my husband. That's a relationship I've realized you can't just let things slide. But there is a lot in life that you can just let go and be a lot happier for having done so!

    So, I'm gonna say, I pick my battles.

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  50. I do not avoid confrontation when necessary and I will stand for what I believe in. But do admit when I am wrong and have no trouble saying it out loud. I stand for my mistakes as well. I would say I am a mix of all the above mentioned. Sometimes it's just not worth it and it's better to let go in order to be happier.

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  51. My feeling is that it is better to get one's emotions out than keeping them inside. I used to be that way but have taught myself to 'chat'. I have a pretty even temperament and have been told I have loads of patience but if someone on the rare occasion is very rude to me one too many times, then I blow like Mt St Helens and people are quite shocked that I have a voice ;) I am basically an introvert and would rather listen than debate. When debates become strong I have to leave the room and I do not like being around confrontational people.

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  52. p.s. some people think it is a weakness to apologize but I see it as a strength. It takes a very strong person to admit when they are wrong and I applaud them when they do.

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  53. I think my style is ever changing, though it never seems to be effective.

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  54. I'm not much of an arguer, but I do enjoy a good debate. (Two different things!) Discussing topics on a purely intellectual level is stimulating, and there's no need to declare someone "right" and another "wrong." Arguments are more personal, and involve emotions, finger-pointing, accusations, the whole nasty gamut. I prefer to avoid them. I will express my feelings and/or opinions, but if the other person is strongly on the "other side," I simply let it go. Being kind is much more important than being right.

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  55. Mine depends on who I'm arguing with. Sometimes forceful, sometimes gentle and persuasive.

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  56. I pick my battles. But once it's picked, I'm relentlessly logical (in my own mind, anyway). But I do apologize easily, because I HATE feeling like something is wrong between me and someone else. And I don't hold a grudge.

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  57. I was brought up never to disagree with my parents. Since realising that no-one, not even my parents is fallible, I've learned to argue. I can be very stubborn, but I will accept the other point of view, if I am convinced of it's validity. I tend to be happy to meet somewhere in the middle on many issues. As an adult education tutor, i need to be impartial if arguments arise in class....

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  58. I probably run the gambit of styles! LOL! As I've gotten older I find motive to often be as important as anything...I'm really trying to listen more and argue less.

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  59. I don't like arguments and am more of a peacemaker. :)

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  60. I am an avoider. I have yet to hear or say anything intelligent in the heat of battle. I like to walk away, cool down and come back when I can be logical and discuss rather than argue. I learned this from my parents who never argued in front of us. Quiet debate can be fun, arguing not so much.

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  61. I think you'd have to ask the people around me that one. I honestly don't know.

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  62. When I was a kid and a teen, I was introverted too. Still am a bit, I think. But when I got to be about 18 I decided it was time for me to stick up for myself. Now my siblings like to say I'm the "b" word when I get mad. HAHA! But I'd rather be that than what I was when I let everyone take advantage of me and beat me to the ground. With that said, I don't like conflict and try to avoid it as much as I can.

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  63. I think I'm more passive. I don't like to argue. I will listen to what someone says, voice my opinion and then let it go.

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  64. I think I'm more passive. I don't like to argue. I will listen to what someone says, voice my opinion and then let it go.

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  65. To know when to apologize is admirable.

    "I just don't understand how people can have opinions that are different than mine??" Yeah, why is that so? (lol)

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  66. For me it depends on topics and the people involved. If it is a topic for which I am passionate, I may turn stubborn or if the people around is from the professional world, I am passive. Oops...I never analyzed like this before...To me it seems my argumentive characteristics are a bit complex!

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  67. Gosh, I never thought of this! As I get older, I try to not open my mouth as much because I have said so many things that I regret later! So I would think I am thoughtful!

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  68. It looks more like your sister and you are merely discussing a topic. Arguments look more red-faced in my life! Not me however. I state my case, and if the other person disagrees, I nod and say they have that right as thinking human beings.

    My friends tell me that when my voice goes soft and my face grows remote, they know I am about to leave the room. I have never said anything in anger that I was happy about the consequences.

    Interesting post as always. Thanks for visiting Vesper's blog and saying nice things about me and my writing. :-)

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  69. I am generally more passive, but sometimes stuff just pops out of my mouth that even I don't expect. As I've gotten older I've gotten better about not sticking my foot in my mouth (although it still does happen!). Sometimes it's just best to keep your mouth shut, isn't it?

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  70. I am something altogether. I'm rather inconsistent so sometimes I'm aggressive and stubborn and sometimes anything goes. I react more than direct the argument.

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  71. In my teenage years I was so argumentative. My mother said I could argue the horns off a billy goat. As I've aged, I pick battles very carefully, usually avoiding any type of confrontation whatsoever.

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  72. Oh, I love that picture of you and your sister!

    I really dislike arguments myself. I do tend to be a little stubborn (imagine that), and often there may be hurt feelings. If there isn't anything truly life-threatening at stake, it may not be worth the argument.

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  73. I don't argue much but I have my opinion and no one can change it usually.

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  74. I very seldom ever argue!
    Once my sis and I got into a nasty argument years ago and that cured me of arguments ...
    We both apologized to each other ...

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  76. Learning from your mistakes and apologizing when you're wrong: Awesome.
    I tend to feel everyone should share my viewpoints:) grin.
    Great post, OE. And I loved the pic:)

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  77. I'm a lot like that in that I was quiet and shy all through childhood, and though that's mostly the same these days, I do not give up or let go of an argument if I'm right. It's why I don't ever go out looking for a fight. If one happens to find me, however...

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  78. Oh my gosh, you just described me! Lol! I was VERY shy as a child. A very sheltered life. Plus I was so much taller then my classmates. As I got older and out of a controlling, abusive marriage. I became outspoken. I don't like arguing. Debating is more like it. :) I will admit when I am wrong. And won't rub it in when I'm right. Well, sometimes I do. :)
    Cheri

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  79. Hmm, I like the occasional good argument, but it tends to be more of a discussion these days. I used to yell and scream because that's all I knew, but, sheesh, it got me in so much trouble. I've mellowed with age ;)

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  80. I don't believe in arguments. I simply make my statement and leave it at that. I keep the focus on me. If I argue to convince someone to change their behavior, I've lost my focus, I am being manipulative.

    The surprising thing is that I can use the same exact words in both cases, but the outcome is better when I keep the focus on stating my piece and letting the point go. I feel better, too. So do they. There is one God and I am not Him.

    I am trained in using nonviolent communication. I find it is much better state the need I have that lies beneath my feelings. Also, when someone use blame, shame, guilt or judgment on me, to persuade me, I look for the need underneath their comments, addressing that. I find that usually de-escalates the situation.

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  81. I dislike arguments and I avoid them... If I do catch myself in the middle of one I try to present my side in a respectful matter acknowledging another person's opinion... if the person is overly aggressive though, I walk away. It's not worth my time.

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  82. I can be loud but not often. If things get overdone me and mine continue the discussion while going for a walk, it's very hard to get excited and keep moving, the motion seems to lessen the stress. I'm usually over being mad in about 5 minutes and happy to have a low key conversation about the subject later.

    I learned to listen and how to apologize after I married. I was young and thought I knew everything, and had a temper though it was quickly mad and quickly over. I learned to apoplize. I think it's especially important to admit being wrong to our children and both my sons seem to be carrying on the tradition. And yes, sadly there are still a few things others have done I still haven't managed forgiveness but I am working on it.

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  83. Learned to apologize (eek, typed to fast) ;-)

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  84. I might have a temper... but it depends a lot on where I am, with what people... So even though I have a temper, I will probably not show it in public... :-)
    I like that you apologize!
    Keith, thank you for your comment at my blog. Come visit the other blog too, http://wanderingsondarkershores.blogspot.com :-)

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  85. I tend to be passive. I don't like conflict and being in arguments. I don't get into debates or arguments about politics and things like that, because it's very unlikely that someone will change my mind and I don't think that I will change their mind, so if I'm in an argument it's usually a personal argument with family. If I'm upset, I don't like to talk about it, so I tend to just stew for a little while. (I don't let myself stew long.) And if someone's upset with me and is getting on me I tend to walk away. :)

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  86. I really don't like conflict and rarely get in an argument. If I do I usually don't say much and just get quiet. I am pretty easy going.

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  87. Most of the time I'm VERY submissive. I don't know who will be able to handle an opposing opinion and who won't, so I figure it's best to act as if they're right. But then occasionally I'll find a viewpoint worth defending to the death, so I will ;)

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  88. I'm like many of the other commentors (is that a word?) I don't enjoy conflict. Some people are offended when other's take issue with their stance on hot-button topics.
    LIfe is too short to try and change a mind that doesn't want to change.

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  89. I try to avoid arguments and saying anything without thinking about the issue for a time. I argue using logic and facts and I don't really raise my voice. My partner is the opposite. Often there is something else he is troubled by rather than exactly what is being disagreed about.

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  90. PS, the staged photo is amusing.

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  91. My argument style is I'm agonna kick yo ass.

    Love,
    Janie

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  92. I do not argue. It is not worth the stress. I will give my feelings or opinion and then listen to others but not argue the point. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. My friends are always saying that I am the most congenial and nicest person they have ever known. I prefer to be thought of that way that as a bi**h!

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  93. One would think you have a psychology degree. I've always been interested in human behavior. I try to have self awareness. When I was growing up I really couldn't express my opinion or feelings at home. Once I left home at 17 I became much more talkative and expressive. I'm a passionate person and I can be quite stubborn in a disagreement if I believe I'm right. At times I may get loud, usually if I feel someone is being disrespectful or rude. A lot of times I can let things go if I think it's something that doesn't really matter to me. Hubby is very easy going and doesn't fire me up. :) He knows how to calm me down most of the time. lol My mother can fire me up and make me hang up on her. lol There have been times that I've apologized. :)

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  94. My arguments are in the past. When I worked for a living, I always listened respectfully to administrators then did whatever the hell I wanted. Nobody ever caught on. However, I will offer this bit of domestic advice: when arguing with your wife, always apologize --especially if you are right.

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  95. Hmmm I had to give this some thought because I can be stubborn....wait...I am stubborn! When I get angry I get cold in the way I talk and become very "How dare you". I believe in having it out. I am not a quiet one that's for sure:) I raise my voice and have been know to pound a table (not the best thing to do since my joints are bad). I end up crying cos I am emotional. It can take me a little bit to calm down but if I am in the wrong I do apologize and explain the reason I became so upset. My hubby, who has severe classic ADHD, goes from 0 to 60 in getting angry and he is vocal. He too, like you, can take a while to have things sink in but he also will apologize when he is in the wrong...and I make sure to let him know when he is:)

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  96. I always try to listen respectfully to other side, other arguments. But I very rare change my sight to another.

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  97. Like your good self I was an introverted child and rarely stood up for myself.

    What is my argument style - I am really not sure. I guess I am much into the positive criticism route of approach and always end a discussion/argument with a friendly interaction about something else.

    Always say sorry if I am wrong and on the rare occasion I lose my cool, apologise then for loosing it.

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  98. Eeeek! I'm a pouter, great at the silent treatment, sarcastic, and definitely raise my voice. Usually only to my hubs who seldom ever deserves it, he's my sounding board, so of course I apologize. Glad not much makes me mad, it's not pretty.

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  99. I avoid arguing if I can!!

    I have this opinion..."There is a wrong way, a right way, and MY WAY!!" Even my grown kids know that when I get this certain look, they... Stay away. lol

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  100. My argument style is to avoid an argument! I know what is good and what is bad so nobody is going to provoke me. I avoid controversies and try not to get into one. If for something unfortunate that gets me into an argument I'll fall back on my goodness of recognizing what is good about it.
    The idea is to talk slowly and get the other person to accept my line of thought in a sane way. No shouting or curses. Just simple words in a simple voice. It normally works and avoids violence. Always say the words with a smile.This works in both an academic or altercation situation

    Hank

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  101. I avoid arguing whenever possible, because I have found that most people don't change their mind anyway - they always think they're right. This is especially true of politics.
    Side note: the pic of you and your sister is adorable!

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  102. Oh, your post sounds exactly like how I am. I'm an introvert and grew up learning to be respectful and to hang back, but I am now quite argumentative and have trouble understanding how someone else could not possibly agree with me! I do work hard to contain that though, because I know I can come off a bit strong. Just making up for lost time I guess!

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  103. Oh, I am very stubborn. Just because I am always right. Haha, just kidding. But yeah, I learned as a kid to stand up for myself and that is what I do. But I do try to always stay calm (more or less successful). I do not have a problem at all to apologize when I realize that I was wrong.

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  104. Oh, I love this question! I have learned over the years to stick to the facts and let others wear themselves out emotionally with their personal attacks, irrelevant arguments, etc. When someone starts name calling or making personal attacks, I know they have no real argument left. I am an introvert also, but that doesn't mean one can't be a good debater. It simply means that after you win the argument you might need a handful of chocolate chips. LOL

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  105. Like you, Keith, I was quite introverted as a child, so was totally passive.
    It always left me with a feeling of helplessness and worthlessness...so I eventually decided that enough was enough!
    Now, I am rather stubborn. If I really believe I am right, then I will not budge. However, if I later discover that I was wrong, I will happily apologize! *smiles*

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  106. I shout, holler, yell and do it some more.
    Holding true to what I believe . . . but will listen to the other side.
    I must admit . . . sometimes I just say, this is ridiculous, walk away . . . and bring the subject up later.
    I threw a a Revere pan

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  107. I threw a Revere pan once, dented it.
    I threw a bowl full of lettuce once . . . , not a pretty sight.
    I have been known to get up on a chair and scream even louder!
    Only happened once . . . many years back.
    This was fun!
    I feel better.

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  108. I don't like arguing. For the most part, I don't think it helps. When two people are angry and shouting, they stop listening to each other. So, each time one person raises their voice to be "heard," it's pointless. The other person stopped listening when the argument began.

    To that end, I'm really trying to voice my opinion when I have it. In other words, if I think something needs to be said I try to say it BEFORE I'm angry about it. I wasn't doing this for a long time. I felt like I lost my voice and everything just seemed too big (even when it wasn't) and my voice didn't feel important (not true!). So, now I try to say it sooner rather than later and hope that it brings about a conversation instead of an argument.

    I think most arguments happen because someone has stuffed their thoughts inside until they burst out. Not a good way to live.

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  109. I really don't think my argument style is very effective. Most of the time, I start out very logical. But, sometimes I lose my temper and, while I don't get physical, I shout and pretty much go red in the face. Unfortunately, this tends to lose any argument.

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  110. You're right, I have never considered this before. I guess I would say my style is passive resistance. I rarely argue. I'm extremely stubborn though so it's not that I agree with people, I simply choose not to deal with them. I rarely see the point in arguing about something, I just find a way around it. Sometimes it's ignoring people or circumventing them to get my own way. Depending on the situation I might make my point of view known, particularly if it's work related and there's something that needs to be done. But if it's personal views then I see no point in arguing about them. People are entitled to their beliefs.

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  111. Funny pic. :)

    I tend to be decisive, which I guess could be another way of saying stubborn. I don't like to fight, but I also don't like to be wrong, so I choose my battles wisely.

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  112. I'll argue up to the point where neither of us are going to be swayed. Then I'll drop it, let them think they won, and secretly call them a dumbass inside my head.

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  113. Having different opinions and arguing about it is normal Keith ~ I tend to be stubborn in my ideas and stance but I will listen to the other party ~ When I realize I am wrong, I apologize about it, though it may not be immediately ~ I tend to let things cool down a bit & make amends when both of us are calm and ready to interact again ~

    I have to tell you though that my days of passionate arguments are nearly over as it is very exhausting ~ But it is part of a growing relationship, smiles ~

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  114. I would have to say that my argument style is very passionate because I usually don't argue unless I strongly believe in the topic at hand. I don't have a problem at all admitting when I'm wrong though, and I think it's great that you can do the same. Most of the time, things aren't worth arguing over, but some things that I am passionate about, I will stand up and let my voice be heard haha.

    Your posts are very interesting, Keith.

    ~Sheri

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  115. oh, this is such a great picture of brother and sister. It's the first thing I noticed. :~)

    ~Sheri

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  116. I hate to argue. Hate. It. I'm stubborn, too, so I can relate.

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  117. I guess it would depend on who I am arguing with.

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  118. I start out as a good listener, then switch to being informative or rational. Then, if arguing with my spouse, I get angry because he doesn't listen to what I say!

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  119. I have the same argument style as you. I do try to be objective but sometimes I just cannot see how the other party does not see my point. And then I get angry. This is one of the biggest things Im working on!

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  120. one's mindset is influenced by two factors like social environment he/she was brought up and parenting.people form different opinions based on that.but there is only one definite right opinion for every argument.so one should be able to read other's mind before arguing and he/she should stay away if you know the person can't come to right conclusion.am calm most of the time coz most of people don't have acceptance to truth and i don't like to argue blindly for the sake of it.argument will be sensible between people with equal magnitude of wisdom or people having acceptance to truth even if it hurts one's ego.ARGUMENT CANNOT HAVE STYLE,ITS SPEAKING AND ACCEPTING TRUTH.

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  121. you ask great questions! I think it really depends on who I'm arguing with. I will so annoyingly debate with my family but practice courtesy to others :)

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  122. I'm stubborn yet I have a tendency to shy away from conflicts. So, I'm usually annoyingly diplomatic until the end - and I am the one who decides when that is :)

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  123. I'd rather fly than fight. I always try to go down the middle, listen to the pros and cons but quietly form my own opinions without sharing them much.

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  124. I don't like to argue, but it happens. Sometimes it is just best to agree to disagree and then move on.

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  125. Typically, I listen to the other person's point of view, try to figure out why they are feeling as they are. I don't raise my voice but state my point of view and then like Daisy (above), I move on (most of the time).

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  126. The only people I argue with are my husband and mom. Even then, I don't really argue. Learned a long time ago to step back from a conflict and just let things go.

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  127. I am a passive. I like to think that my quiet still words hold enough logic as to be accepted. Sometime it works, sometimes not.

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  128. Sometimes a good argument clears the air, although I don't like to argue and rarely do, I still find that I must stand up for some issues at times. Raising 4 children made me courageous in standing up for them against all sorts of people. Adults can bully children and I have seen it, (teachers, neighbors, other parents, police) so I have come up against situations where I had to argue for my children. The same goes if I see an injustice committed against another child or a helpless animal. I can stand my ground with words and have gone up against all sorts of bullies in this life. As I have grown older, I find that I am very judicious in whether a point is arguable or not. Most things are not worth it - but if I see injustice or abuse....I jump into action. I rarely argue with members of my family, although the Mr. can be a twit sometimes. Lol! Talk about stubborn!

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  129. I don't enjoy arguing...at least I don't enjoy having people mad at me, but sometimes I do think it is necessary. I notice in some TV shows like Downton Abbey how the characters are able to present their arguments without taking or making anything too personal. I'm not great at that and I think, like you, I can be rather stubborn. I'm working on it though. That's all we can really do, right? Work on our argument styles. It is an interesting topic.

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  130. While I try to avoid arguments in general, I do tend to passionately reason and appeal to the emotions when arguing. Over the years I have discovered that I am quite analytical. It's crazy! However, I do have a tendency to take things personally....

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  131. I live by the motto "It's better to be happy than right." Often just knowing I'm right is all I need.

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  132. I'd say I'm probably in the stubborn category....I'm a pretty "black and white" person...very little grey matter here...other than my hair...and of course the three books...Fifty Shades thereof....

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  133. I have come to the conclusion that many people don't know the difference between argument and discussion - and I try to avoid the first because it often seems pointless.

    Cheers - Stewart M - Melbourne

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  134. I think my style is very different depending on who I'm arguing with. With my brother, I'm probably more firm... with a lot of laughter. I like to think I would apologize if I know I'm wrong. My husband and I have that "oopsie" thing that we do.

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  135. I rarely argue, but when I do, I do it rather pigheadedly!

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  136. It's great that you're always willing to apologize, Keith! I can be a bit stubbourn too at times. I also apologize when I'm wrong, or I'm too excited about being right!

    Julie

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  137. Mine used to be "I'm not changing my opinion no matter how wrong I am". Nowadays, and thanks to my wife, is more "I can see your point of view and understand where you are coming from..." :-)
    Greetings from London.

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  138. I don't argue much--never have. I do have my opinions (like all of us have)--and I'm not afraid to express my opinions (hubby even keeps his opinions to himself). BUT--I'm 'sensitive' and get upset when someone tries to argue with me. I will usually walk away --and get UPSET. The older I get, the more I realize that trying to change someone's opinion is nearly impossible (especially when it comes to things like politics, religion, etc.)....

    I have been called a 'fence sitter' --since I sometimes see both sides of an argument... I am one to want compromise to be made, but these days, that is rare....

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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  139. In my younger days I'd just go sleep it off. These days I just shut down (if it's with an adult). The less destructive confrontation the better. I hate arguing.

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  140. I am extremely analytical, I need very good reasons to give up some of my postures and I find difficult to admit that I can be wrong (in the very first moment) so, in some cases, I am prone to be argumentative... but if I am not personally involved in the discussion or have a less rigid opinion I can also mediate or come to an understanding without arguing...

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  141. Well I always try to heard first dear Keith and in my youngest times I was really argumentative and passionate. But I noticed now you never change what think others persons!
    My twins have 20 and are terrible to discussions especially my daugther Maria Esperanza.

    Only I try to dont fight with them is better :)

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  142. I must admit I can be stubborn, but I can definitely admit when I'm in the wrong. I think with certain people though I act differently due to knowing if they will react bad or take it well which is probably a bad thing really but if something has really bothered me then people would know about it, if it's not as big a thing then I'll probably just brush it off and see if it blows over

    VioletDaffodils
    xx

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  143. I argue fairly and objectively. In my mind. Face to face I fly off the handle. Then I think about it and go fix it, heee hee heeee

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  144. I am opinionated, argumentative, a ranter & a raver and I'm always right!
    I'm a shouter, too. But, I can agree to disagree, with a lot of eye rolling thrown in. :)

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  145. i'm argumentative only on issues i'm ultra passionate other than that i either don't say anything if it's not worth the argument or just say my piece and don't engage in the argument. :)

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  146. Yes, it's hard to prove something to someone who considers himself being right....but first we need to ask: why? try to understand - the way to compassion....I know it's hard not to argue immediately, but when you practice alone ( meditation, breathing, affirmations) - then easily in a case you have different point of view just to say: I think differently though I got your point. And then if the person is ready to listen - go ahead and explain your opinion.

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  147. I avoid conflict.. and find it difficult to be around anger...but being human I some time get angry and let everyone around me know it. I have a tone that gets their attention...so I have been told. Not proud of it.

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  148. I am a Capricorn- a stubborn goat. I am never wrong. And when I am I have a hard time admitting it. Just ask my husband!

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  149. I'm a lot like you in terms of my argument style. Pretty stubborn. I just cannot stop myself from getting into arguments. And what's worse? I actually have an issue with people who do not take a stance on an issue or an argument. Everytime someone tells me they don't care for politics, I tell them, " well, you should, because it concerns you. Not that politicians give a damn about you either though, so I guess the feeling is mutual". If the topic is something I'm particularly passionate about, I'd keep going until I burst a nerve or something.

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  150. HEY... You should apologize for being stubborn etc. - even if you are right! :) People are more important than being right; and being nice is more important than being right. YOU, of all people, should know that! ;D PS. Sorry I haven't been here for a while. I don't know what happened. I thought your blog was down so I stopped coming by! :O I have missed reading it! You say so many wonderful things. :)

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